boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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