i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
