at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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