she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
