My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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