thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
