Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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