And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
