I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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