You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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