Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Send help, water and tortillas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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