I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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