I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want a musical about memes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
