Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
