If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
