Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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