this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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