I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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