So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
