Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
