Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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