do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
