pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
