look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
