they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
