please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize