Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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