Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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