I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
