You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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