I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
