the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
