i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
