What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
