I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize