we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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