Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i out mim tonsoeep
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