HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
