You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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