Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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