Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
