I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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