White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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