it hurts more in the daytime
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
