Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
