onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
