I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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