Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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