You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
