he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
