my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
