Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
