nut hugger
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
