True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
