he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
