i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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