She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
