On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
