you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
