Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
