she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
