You work out of a Hotel?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
