I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
