im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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