one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize