I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
