Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
