I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
