I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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