meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
