Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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