I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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