I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
