the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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