thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
