It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
