the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
