I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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