I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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