Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
