tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
