It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
