Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize