Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
