I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize