her vagine was all disorganized.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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