Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
