It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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