who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
