all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
