Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My ass is underappreciated
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize