so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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