after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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