i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
