I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
