no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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