Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
