I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
