The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
