he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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