so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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