I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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