no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
