I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
