So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
