Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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