But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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