im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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